nothing screams nostalgic wax like....

a story waxing nostalgic on wax.
a long long time ago in a land not so far away, there was a girl. a girl who loved music.
me.
i adore music. have since I was a child, really...i could feel what was going on....the emotional content of not just lyrics but melody too just...invokes something in me that is really touching. Just brings me to mush. It's how I communicate with the Universe. It's how I ground. Most of the big loves in my life have been songs, not people, sadly or oddly enough. It's how I connect.
SO, not surprising that my love of music brings me to love the people that make it. I realize now that those are two different connections, but in my youth, I fell hard for a young man who wrote my favorite songs, and better yet, I was fortunate enough to know him.
I liked him and the band he played in immediately. I met them beforehand setting up sound for their recital at Harriet Fulton, and he was a totally goofy guy that looked funny to me...but the songs he sang, how he played...wow. i instantly fell for him, but didn't know it..... and he became, for a long time, everything a man could possibly be to me.
He was unavailable to me then, and i am sure i was in denial at the time, I floated around him like a bee flies to honey, just so i could wish and yearn and do all of the nutty things young girls with crushes do.
Well, we all do some growing....at least some changing...in our lives. I moved on and shook lil girl crush off after a few years of not being noticed in a capacity I would have wanted from him (ie, a commitment) and after a few years of my adventure seeking and finding myself, of course, young girl wants to see if she can shake off the crush. finally prove to be over childhood ideals.
So i return. Just to see, you know. Just for a friendly visit, nothing more. Who was I kidding...? Of course I was smitten. So what did I do? I did it all for love. Dropped everything and moved a long way to be near that honey again.
Why? Cause the time was right, I was ready to be swept off of my feet. And, of course, a song that he wrote.
A song I actually helped record, later...
He made me a cd of his new songs he had been writing, and my whole life from this guy, I had since I had seen him, want him to put the emotion that he had in those songs in me. I wanted to be part of the music, I wanted to be gifted that.
Basically, I wanted a song about me.
So for some reason, since I was 19, I always fantasized that I would be given that gift from him. To be inclusive in everything in that fabled song and him would just be....unbelievable. to be handed the gift of being a motivation for him to create something beautiful and awesome for me...? oh, it was everything I wanted in the UNIVERSE.
the first time I heard sunny smile, i loved it so much i wished it was about me. the night i left him to come back home i put the cd on, heard this song, and got choked up. I was downright emotional over the fact this person that had so much depth could love me. Wanted to be with me, now. And what did I want? Him, now.
I was at home three weeks later. Helped him to record his first album, helped track this one in his recording studio. Even later sang harmony with him in a band with him.
...so, was it about me? hmm.
no, of course not. said gentleman only wrote songs of regret and pain about the women who left him....and alas, he let them leave him. those emotions of lyrics and melodies were left just to that, as much as they touch me so. I still love my girlhood fantasy of him when i listen to his music, but the woman in me knows better. Thank goodness I do. That was an incredible growing experience for me, as all relationships are, but he really put a lot of things I had known to be true in my life up til then in serious perspective.
i will always love him, though. he is gifted, for sure, and he is an incredible friend. I love him so much more now in my life for the relationship we have maintained after our dating relationship. He has actually been quite a rock for me to depend on, and for that i am incredibly grateful. I do love him so much.
and did i ever get my song? yep. I did. after i left of course. I actually think he wrote it the night we had the 'talk'... and i got a song that probably screamed me more accurately than i would have liked. I always wanted a sweet simple love song for me, but I got the ragtime number, complete with banjo and kazoos. Great song, really catchy and cute. Requested alot at shows. I even have a little singing part in it.
but, a good story nonetheless....why 'sunny smile' by colossal head maintains number 5 in my top 5 favorite songs of all time.

listen...."sunny smile": http://www.colossalhead.net/mp3/07.mp3
and, the song for me, "crazy" (so aptly named, eh...) demo version: http://www.colossalhead.net/mp3/crazy.mp3

i was in the band for a year, so check out the band website for pics and bio and stuff.